I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
