Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
