yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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