around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
