Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
