Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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