you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
