Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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