i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
