I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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