Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
