just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
