I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
