Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
