She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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