Plan B is the new Plan A
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
