im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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