Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
