if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
