No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
