So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
