Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They took my balls.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
