How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
