woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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