Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
