good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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