Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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