Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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