How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
