my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
