census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
