By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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