I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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