One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
