Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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