Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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