she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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