everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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