WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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