Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
