Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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