I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
