Tell her she can't have a vagina
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
