Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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