I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
