Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
