im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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