I hate your face
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tornado booty call.. dedication
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
