I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
