He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
