Need sex. Gaining weight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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