oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
