Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
