I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
