If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
